Thoughts and boredom

Due to my injured knee, I spend a lot of time at home these days. I have been doing a bit of tutoring, but basically, I can't really do a lot, especially nothing that involves walking a lot and that means I have no choice but to spend a lot of time at home. And I have a lot of time to think, about many things - including this blog.

To be honest, when I began to write, I wasn't sure which direction this was supposed to go in - and I'm still not entirely sure, but it should maybe be a tiny bit lighter and more positive than it used to be. Right now I'm having a hard time sticking to one topic and would rather write different entries on different topics. Maybe one day, I will be able to settle for a general direction that I want to go in. So far, I can practise writing a little and can try to work out how to be a little more creative on here. Which isn't easy at the moment since even sitting at my desk for longer than thirty minutes is quite hard and makes my knee hurt. And it's not like I find many different topics to write about when I'm forced to stay home all day. Outside, it is mostly grey and getting quite cold at the moment. To be honest, I don't really feel like I'm missing out on a lot when it comes to the weather and being exposed to it outside. However, the not being able to go to many places isn't quite as easy to deal with. I feel like I have suddenly become an old woman who has to plan everything that she does very carefully.

Generally, winter always becomes a little depressing after Christmas and New Year's eve. January is still okay, but now it's almost February which, to me, is one of the most despressing months of the year. February is grey and cold, a time when everyone is just sick of winter and longing for spring which is still so far away. February means being stuck in this gloomy, evil season which seems to be considerably longer than the calendar says it is. Starting next week. The best time to hopefully have surgery and then look forward to spring!

Injured knee

Last Monday, I was on the bus and just wanted to get off in the city centre when my knee cap slid out. I collapsed on the floor and just didn't manage to get up again, so an ambulance had to be called and I was taken to hospital. The knee cap isn't in its proper place anyway and has suffered a little more even though nothing was broken. I got a leg brace which I need to wear about 24/7, even when I sleep since my knee cap still feels quite loose. Last week I had to be lazy because of it. Even sitting at my desk for a longer space of time is painful so mostly, I could just read and watch TV which isn't a lot I can do. It is very slowly getting better, but it's taking quite a lot of time.

Not being able to exercise almost drive sme crazy. I hate that. No cycling, not even walking around more than necessary and even crunches are hard to do since it's difficult to get off the floor again. I need to have an MRT done soon and then might have to think about surgery. And every day, I grow a little more impatient and nervous and angry.

Mostly, I have to wear skinny jeans and leggings now. If I wear wider trousers, they fold up underneath the leg brace which is uncomfortable. But putting clothes on is very hard when I can hardly bend the leg. However, I'm making plans for exercising once I can start again. Running is definitely not for me, too much pain! I'm going to cycle a lot and I will have to take up swimming which is the best sport for my poor knees since it demands a lot from the muscles, but doesn't put pressure on the knees. Let's hope I can start soon!

My bike is sick! *sobs*

Today I was riding home from a meeting and suddenly something happened with to the back tyre of my bike. I got off and found that something inexplicable had happened to it. Somehow the wire in the tyre had been bent, eventually pushing through the tyre. My bf says the previous owner of the bike might have been mistreating it - riding despite a puncture and flat tyre. I didn't have time to push it home since I needed to go to work so my bf collected it.

I love this bike. It is a friend. It gets me fit and get me to places. I have another one but that isn't nearly as nice and comfortable! I will still need to use that for a while, though. It might take a few days to repair mine.

So... it's 2012.

Happy New Year, everyone!
It's quite late so I won't write much. So far, the first week of the new year has been okay. The weather, however, made it quite depressing as soon as we looked outside. It has been very stormy and rainy here and I felt like not going outside at all. I killed one umbrella... no, actually the storm killed my umbrella on a ten-minute walk from the bus stop to a meeting at the small music label that I do some translating for. I couldn't even take my bike because storm and rain are horrible conditions for cycling. And it has been cloudy and grey outside, like a giant, dark blanket, shielding us from every tiny bit of sunlight and causing a most depressing darkness. Seriously, I'm done with this weather!

On a positive note, I'm still reading the book "Jesus - Safe, Tender, Extreme" by Adrian Plass and it is still healing in some way and it makes me understand so many things. I think my belief and my way of being a Christian are slowly changing: from the belief in a God who was just waiting for me to make a mistake and who would only truly love me if I was "good enough" to a God who loves me so much he gave his son for me and for many other completely imperfect people like me and who does not want us to live in fear of Him. It began to change before I started reading that book by Adrian Plass, and yet I understand some more things by reading the book and I love his honesty. Adrian Plass doesn't have a problem to admit that he is far from perfect and I've heard to many Christians or read to many books by Christians who do the opposite and try to tell us how great they are and that we need to become like them.

I know I seem to talk about Christianity an awful lot these days - mainly though, because it scares me what people do to each other in God's name, how they manipulate and control and hurt each other and how this might actually the exact opposite from everything that God ever wanted from those who follow Him. And I have a hard time understanding how so many people who claim to be Christians can behave like they're not.

For tomorrow I hope I will be less tired and courageous enough to leave the house and do some exercise despite the wind and rain!