On judging others

When I was a child, my parents were members of a Baptist church which we went to every Sunday. My sisters and I went to Sunday school upstairs while my parents were attending the service downstairs. This church was a huge and very important part of my life until the negative effects began to show and I became increasingly unhappy. The reason was that we were taught that, yes, Jesus had died for our sins, but we still had to be perfect Christians or God would punish us and stop loving us. Concerned church members did their best to make my parents feel bad. They would say things like: "If you do this/ don't do this, God can't bless your life." As a result, we lived in constant fear of God. When I was 15 years old, we left the church.

Since then I have tried once to become a mamber of a church again, but I think my past in the Baptist church made it impossible. And now I've been without a church for years. Last year, I joined a Christian internet forum though and tried it out for three days. I hadn written less than a dozen entries when forum members told me I had to change something or there was something wrong in my life. I left the forum.

What is it with evangelical Christians and judging? There is a verse in the Bible that says: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

To me that sounds like a clear message. Do not judge others - if you do, you need to have a really good reason to do so. If you know a member of your church is selling drugs you can say something. If you know a member of the church has killed a person you can say something. If you know a member of your church lets their kids dress up for Halloween when you think Christians shouldn't allow their kids to have anything to do with Halloween, keep your mouth shut! The mother who allows her kids to dress up and go for candy on Halloween maybe doesn't want her kids to be excluded. If she is committing a sin (while she actually has the best intentions), that sin has already been forgiven. But maybe she isn't. And if you walk up to her and tell her something scary, like God won't love her if she allows her kids to dress up for Halloween, then you are committing a sin yourself: you're causing that mother to be scared of God.

What I mean is: of course we should not stay silent if we see that a Christian, maybe even a member of our own church, is doing something that clearly harms other people. However, if they just live their belief in a more liberal way, that's none of your business. You are making other mistakes and committing other sins - while actually might be having good intentions. That is one reason Jesus died on the cross. He did not just die for things like murder or stealing or telling lies... things which we know are wrong and can decide not to do, he also died for all the sins we commit unknowingly, when we thought we were doing good. He died for the wrong advice you give a friend, the mistakes you made in raising your child, the time when you did not notice that someone was in need of help. And he died so we would not have to live in fear of sin!

So why do we still judge each other? I think very often, the real reason is jealousy. If I don't allow myself certain things because I think I'm not supposed to as a Christian, the other person shouldn't have that freedom either. If I don't drink alcohol because I think it is wrong for a Christian to do that, I cannot watch how my Christian friend enjoys a glass of wine. We are like that as human beings and very often, we act on these feelings. If I walk up to my Christian friend and tell her she must not drink that glass of wine as a Christian, I can keep telling myself I'm just doing it for her own good. However, if she isn't an alcoholic or taking medication while drinking the glass of wine, what would I be worried about? If drinking that glass of wine was actually a sin, it would be forgiven. However, since Jesus himself drank wine, I should assume it is not a sin if you don't drink too much. So why am I telling my friend she mustn't drink it? Because I feel like I mustn't and I feel that it is unfair that she has that freedom when I don't. So I make her feel insecure about it, maybe even scared of losing God's love and maybe I even can make her decide that she won't drin k wine ever again. Do I now have the satisfaction of having saved my friend from something horrible or is it not rather the satisfaction of knowing she is just as trapped in fears and prohibitions as I am?

I wish Christians would question themselves more before judging others and I wish that they would keep their mouths shut a lot more when it comes to judging! It is more important that we work on ourselves and on all those little sins, real sins, that we are committing every day - like the jealousy because my friend allows herself something which I don't allow myself. Which of the two is the sin: the glass of wine my friend is drinking or my bitterness and jealousy over it? Guess!