Weeks and weeks ago I mentioned that I had started an internship at a very small music label in this city and after that I didn't post very much. The main reason was lack of time and energy. I wasn't paid at that internship so i had to work a lot in addition to the internship, sometimes up to 15 or 17 hours a day. During the second or third week I became sick for the first time and then it happened again and again.
I really liked the place and the other trainees and I felt that for the first time I was among people who were in some way similar to me. However, the kind of work I had to do was mostly not my thing. It's hard to explain, but I love to write, I need a routine and I couldn't be there long enough every day to get into a routine and to really be able to work by myself and to know what I had to do. It was getting harder and harder and I was often suffering from headaches, dizziness and exhaustion. Every morning I dragged myself out of bed, cycled to work (1/2 hour) and felt cold all day, tried to do my best there and still was failing, hardly ever joined the people at their lunch break since I wasn't there long enough, felt lonely and excluded by the fact that I couldn't be there much and didn't learn things as quickly as the other trainees.
During the following weeks, I got sick again and felt like I was coming closer and closer to my limits. However, I sometimes don't trust myself and my perception and thus I didn't really believe I was coming close to my limit. What was really hurting me was that I didn't have time to write at all. I went to work in the morning, came home late in the evening and was exhausted. There was no energy left. And ultimately, I realized that this was just not the right thing for me.
Last Friday I talked to my boss and it turned out that he and the other trainees had probably realized that even before I had. He suggested that I don't come back as a regular trainee, but just show up for the meeting once a week and do some translating or writing for them at home when they need me to. That way, I can dedicate more time to writing now and can also get some much-needed rest. Today I have most of the day off and admittedly, I am still a little confused and exhausted and still struggling to find into a new routine. I don't do very well with sudden changes and even this positive one needs to be sort of processed and dealth with and that isn't really easy.
On a different note: I'm so cold today. I think the heating isn't working properly and I just can't get warm. My feet and hands and nose feel frozen! This is a very gray, very uncomfortable, very cold December day and doesn't look or feel like Christmas at all!
No comments:
Post a Comment