Getting a little excited

Last week I applied for an internship at a small music label here in the city and the interview is tomorrow. I'm getting a little excited about it because it means that I'm finally taking steps towards the right direction. So far, I'm hardly anxious about it although I do know that will change tomorrow and I will be very anxious then. Meeting new people is always quite hard for me, I get so scared of doing something wrong and I'm shy anyway and sometimes I fear they might somehow guess or see my past which I would rather want to be secret at this point.

Speaking of which - a couple of years ago I was in a really bad place and ended up in the psychiatric ward here in the city. There was one male nurse who seemed quite relaxed and who was quite nice. He played table-tennis with me once. Years later, I ran into him at a party of one of my bf's friends and of course he recognized me and asked me how I was doing. It turned out my bf had known him for years because they had the same friends. We talked about the psychiatric ward once and now, we hardly get to talk because we don't run into each other very often. He is nice enough not to mention it anymore. Still, it does creep me out sometimes and I'm glad that he and my bf aren't close friends so I don't get to meet him often. Sometimes this city is just too small.

Generally, I have changed so much since then that I don't even want that time to be part of my life anymore. I know it always will be and I always will have those horrible scars on my arms, but I do try to distance myself from it. Admittedly, every now and then I'd still like to have the Anorexia back, just for the low weight and this exciting feeling of progress. It is the one thing I still need to fight and will probably have to fight for the rest of my life. That and anxiety which has been ok during the past days. I enjoy every minute that I have without being really anxious. Now I just hope the interview will go well tomorrow since I really want that internship!

Maybe I should take a nice bike ride today. The sun is shining and it is one of those beautiful autumn days!