Tonight I wanted to go swordfencing. I've been doing medieval swordfencing for about 1 1/2 years, together with my bf. It's quite exhausting and straining and seems to use pretty much all our muscles - even the ones we never knew of! However, I really like doing it. For a few weeks I couldn't participate, though, because I had bruised my ribs in a bike accident. Last week I finally managed to participate again and began to curse myself for what I knew would happen this week. I work in a facility for tutoring kids who have problems keeping up in school and once a year, the employees are invited to dinner. So a few weeks ago the boss asked when we had time and it turned out today was best for everybody -and I agreed, assuming my ribs would need more time to heal anyway.
They didn't. Last week, swordfencing was amazing: just being able to do it again and learning new things was fun even though it was such hard work. And my ribs were hardly aching anymore. For about a week I was torn between just wanting to say I can't come to the dinner and going to swordfencing today and feeling obliged to go to dinner because I had said I would be there. My feeling of being obliged won in the end, so I went to the dinner tonight, angry at myself for having even given Wednesday night as an option for the dinner.
I didn't mind the dinner, but I generally don't do well with more than half a dozen people at the same time and today it's cold an rainy and I bascially just wanted to curl up at home or train with my bf and the other people at swordfencing. I didn't feel like doing any form of going out at all. I'm quite shy in general and hardly know how or what to talk about with all these people who are my colleagues but whom I don't know particularly well. Not that i don't like them, I just don't know them well enough to feel comfortable. I was feeling insecure about eating out anyway since I have lactose intolerance and never really know what is in the food I order. In the end, I ordered something and asked if I could have it without the cheese. Generally, the evening was alright, but I was quiet and once my boss asked me if I was okay which made me feel embarassed. I left with two other collegues who had to be home early and went home. It was a relief to close the door behind me and be by myself again. Too many people during the past days, first the family reunion on the weekend and then the dinner tonight. Now I'm looking forward to the weekend and I swear I'll be a hermit over the weekend. My bf is never a problem, I feel completely comfortable around him and we spend so much time apart during the week that I enjoy having him around 24/7 on the weekends. But we can both be hermits together, just go out to go shopping for groceries, maybe a walk or a bike ride, but certainly not going out to some bar or anything like that in the evening! I've had enough of people for this week and I'm looking forward to a weekedn alone with my bf and our pets!
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